Be without you
by FrancescaBoscorelli
Summary: Ray left,Neela is...ah! you gotta have you read inside if you want to know! sorry.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Be without you  
**Spoilers**: S13 but nothing you don't already know,small hints of Neela/Gates but not too much  
**Rating**: T maybe...  
**Disclaimer**:ahhh Ray and Neela don't belong to me.Eleanor is mine,if you wanna know more about her read my other story "Family Affair"

**Note**: Thanks to my two betas for helping me out with this!

Fran Barnettlicious (gotta love that nickname lol)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've made a thousand mistakes in my life, but I can assure you loving him was not one of them. It took us some time to get us where we were, it took me some time to realize how much I loved him but maybe it was too late...yeah, it was too late because when I woke up next day he was gone.

I knew he was leaving but I never asked him why. It was never the right time. We were so happy...I, for the first time in my life, was happy to be alive.

But then...then I woke up and he was gone.

My heart was broken.

I couldn't understand why. Why he left if he loved me?! Was he lying? Was I too blind and in love to see he was playing with me? Could Ray be so evil to leave me behind with just a goodbye note?

No

Ray would never do such thing...there must be a reason!

That's what I though the first two days. Now it's been five months since he left and I heard no word from him.

Nothing

Not even a phone call.

Now everything is different, everything has change...I have to be strong no matter what, not for me...for my baby

Our baby.

**TBC!!!**

**I'm evil,I know I can't really help it.Review if you like it...or hate it!**


	2. Chapter 2

**thanks for reading! don't forget to leave a niiiiiice review for me...**

**hugs**

**Fran Barnettlicious**

**ps: my beta rocks! (both)**

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I go to work normally, I don't let anything that happens to me afect the way I work, not even the comments people make behind my back. I decide to ignore them, I also ignore the urge to ask Luka why Ray left and why he asked to be transferred.

I Guess I'll never know.

"Hey Neela!" I look at Eleanor smiling at me. I forgot she had to work today.

I know I'm not suppossed to be talking about Ray with her, she's his half sister afterall, but she is the only one who understands what I feel and how I feel about him...and she's the only one who knows Ray is the father of my baby.

"Hey, Eleanor" I say, smiling back. "came to work early today, ah?"

"yeah I don't want to be yelled at later." she laughed "Dr Kovac is not in the mood for games today."

"really?"

"yeah, too bad. I was looking forward to giving him some of my love"

We walk out the locker room and head toward the treage. As usual Morris greets me with a smile, I know he feels sorry for me 'oh poor Neela,got knocked up and she is alone,' but I don't care what he feels, I don't care what he thinks either.

"So how are you feeling today, Neela?" Morris asks pretending to be worried "is the little fella bothering you already?"

"It's a girl and she is definetly not bothering me," I say "too bad I can't say the same thing about you."

Abby comes around just when Eleanor was walking towards Morris to hit him,aparently she is the only one who can control Morris.

"Ok, Morris, don't you have something better to do than bother Neela?" Abby asks, but he just shrugs.

"I wasn't bothering her..."

"Just get lost!" Eleanor yells at him. He turns around and leaves.

I shake my head and bit my lip feeling the tears that were threatening to fall.

"I don't undertsand why everyone keeps thinking this baby is a mistake." I start to cry, I see Eleanor shaking her head as well as Abby.

"Don't say that, Neela." Eleanor says "having a baby should never be a mistake,for anybody."

"yeah but everyone keeps saying it... Oh poor Neela is alone and pregnant." I wipe away my tears that were already falling down my cheeks

"To hell with them!" Eleanor says, and I smile.

She is a nice girl afterall, she is trying to help me as much as she can and by that I mean she NEVER talks about Ray, at least not when I'm around.

"Yes.I think Eleanor is right." Abby says "don't worry about what other people think, just worry about the baby and nothing else."

By that she means Ray.

"You're right, I should do that." I give them a warm smile "Thank you"

I receive a warm hug from both of them. Abby knows me too well, she knows it's too soon to be talking about Ray, she knows everything that happened between us and how hurt he was when I left him and when I "dated" Tony, if you can actually call that a relationship. Maybe that's what he's doing, he's paying back all the pain I caused him. But no... That's not the Ray Barnett I know.

Is it?

**TBC!**

**you can either hate it or love it...just leave a review to let me know!**


	3. Chapter 3

**thanks for the sweet reviews!**

**enjoy!**

**Fran Barnett**

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two weeks later

Abby is staring at me again, like she was about to say or ask me something that knows it will bother me. Like when I got pregnant, she kept staring at me not daring to ask what was wrong until I finally told her, she sighed relief.

I walk closer to her, she's leaving the chart and is holding on the desk "What, Abby?!"

"Listen... I know we talked about this before..."

I put my hands on my hips, waiting for the what was to come "yes?!"

"You gotta talk to him."

I turn my face to the other side of the room, not looking at her. She moves to the other side searching for my face.

"Neela listen to me... He has to know."

"Oh, and how exactly am I gonna tell him if I don't know where he is?" I say angier than I ever thought I could be.

"Ask Eleanor" She says, I just frown

"She knows where he is?"

"Yeah..." Abby sighed and looked down, ashamed I can tell.

I shake my head, "Listen Abby... I know you're trying to help me, and I apreciate it but..." I close my eyes and sigh "As far as everyone's concern this baby was created via incemination, OK?"

I know it's ridiculous but at that time it was the only reasonable explanation I had to tell everyone I was carrying a child, and that way nobody would ask anything about it's father.

"Neela..." I turn around ignoring Abby's protests.

"I gotta go..." I walk away from Abby, turning around to talk once more "thanks for the advice."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Eleanor!" I don't mean to yell at her but I do. I can't help but being a little bit mad at her.

"Hey!..." she imediately stops walking towards me when she sees my expression. "What did I do now?"

"Why didn't you tell me you know where Ray is?"

"Who told you?"

"Abby."

"Damn Lockhart!" she yells then sighs, looking at her hands and then to me "I'm sorry Neela, I really am but I have no idea where my brother is."

"But you talked to him?"

"Yes, he calls me once in a while."

"So, all this time you talked to him and never dared to mention it?" I feel dissapointed and hurt. Eleanor is the only one who understands me and now I feel betrayed.

"I couldn't! You didn't even want to hear his name, Neela." she says in a defensive way "listen, I'm sorry I lied to you, it was wrong and it was never my intention."

"But you did it..." I say as a single tear runs down my cheek. Damn hormones, I can't stop crying. I walk away from her but stop when I hear her voice.

"I know you hate him right now, but he is my brother. As stupid or stuborn he might be I can't turn my back on him..."

**TBC**

**show me your luv! love it? hate it?**


	4. Chapter 4

**thanks for the reviews! I have only til chapter 4 so you're gonna have to wait a little bit to read the rest...sorry!**

**Fran**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

The next day was pretty normal. I have a lot of work to do, more than I ever thought I would, but I'm not complaining that much. It works if I need to get distracted. Morris once more, asking questions about my baby and how pregnancy is treating me, annoys me more than usual, especially by his tone. I never felt anger for anyone before, but I am so starting to hate him.

"You know Morris?" I let my anger lead me to whatever might happen next. "I don't give a damn about what you have to say about my baby or my pregnancy."

Abby, Sam, Pratt and Eleanor stop what they're doing and pay close attention to what I was saying. Archie's face was going through several shades of red. "I know you feel sorry for me as everybody does," I turn my face from Morris to the rest of the doctors. "And I know this might seem strange to you all, but this...this feels right. I'm happy the way things are... I don't need a father for my baby because I don't want one."

"This means you know who the father is?" Morris asks, and Eleanor slaps his head.

"Hey, crazy Barnett lady! Stop hitting me!" he whines, rubbing his head.

"Then mind your own business, freak!" Eleanor says, starting a fight with Morris again.

I decide it was time to tell the truth once and for all.

"Eleanor, it's ok..." she turns her face towards him. "It's time for the truth."

"Are you sure, honey?" Abby asks, and I nod.

"Morris is right. I do know who the father is..." I look around me. Everyone is staring at me expectantly. Abby has an indescribable look on her face. Pratt is anxious, and Morris, well, Morris is just curious.

"I didn't have an insemination. I didn't plan to get pregnant either...and the father is away so it means he has no idea about this."

"Who is he, Neela?" Pratt asks me.

I sigh before answering. "It's Ray...I'm having a baby with Ray. He doesn't actually know I'm pregnant."

"You haven't told him?" Pratt asks me. The anger in his eyes nearly burns me.

I shake my head

"And when were you going to tell him?"

"I don't know...I haven't thought about it yet." It's a lie. Actually I can't stop thinking about it.

"Neela, he has to know!" Pratt tells me tightly. If I had a penny for every time I heard that I'd be millionaire.

"I know, Greg." I say as calmly as I can, when inside I'm freaking out.

"Then tell him!" he yells losing his temper. I can't help but cringe.

"I don't know where he is..." I say in a whisper.

"What?!" Pratt yells so hard that it makes me cry. I told you, hormones.

"That bastard left and didn't tell you where?"

"Hey! He is not a bastard," Eleanor says in a defensive tone. "He made a mistake but you have no right to insult him."

"Please stop it!" I interrupt shrilly before they start fighting again. "Ray might be a bastard but he is the father of my baby and..." I sight heavily "I love him" Those were the only words they needed to hear to be quiet for the rest of the evening.

**TBC!**


	5. Chapter 5

My confession spread like a bacteria throughout the hospital. Before I could even say something people where asking me if she would have the Barnett last name. My answer was always 'I don't know'. I ask Pratt to stop this nonsense and tell everyone to stop asking questions they should not. Thankfully he did it right away. Sooner than I hoped the questions where gone.

One thing less to worry about.

Or at least that's what I thought.

"Chicago General County" I say as I pick up the phone from the admit desk.

"Neela?"

I stop breathing for a second when I hear the voice on the other line. "Ray?"

"Hi..." he simply says. I wanted to cry so bad "How are you?"

How was I?? Oh well. Angry, confused, scared as hell and pregnant with your child. Did I mention that? Oh no I didn't!

"I'm fine...how are you?" I ask, feeling my body shaking slightly

"I'm..." he stops for a second and I hear him sigh, "I'm fine..."

There's an awkward silence between us in which I debate whether I should tell him about the baby or not.

"Listen, can you do me a favor?" he asks awkwardly. I nod but then I realize he can't see me.

"Sure."

"Can you tell Luka I'm ready to come back..."

I frown, not understanding what he was saying...Luka had known he was leaving? Then that means that Abby knew as well.

"I'm so stupid..." I whisper

"What?" Ray asks on the other line. I'd forgotten I was talking to him.

"Nothing...I'll tell Luka" I hang up the phone before he could even say goodbye. I don't need that. I still have his note.

I get up from my chair and start looking for Luka and Abby. When I find them they smile nicely at me, and I feel the anger rising inside my chest.

"Ray called," Luka looks to Abby who doesn't seem shocked by the news. "He says he's ready to come back."

"Neela listen..." Luka speaks but I raise my hand to stop him

"You knew he was leaving, didn't you?" I ask

"He came to talk to me two days after he left. He said he needed some time off work and I gave it to him."

"And you didn't bother to tell me?" I say, already crying

"He asked me not to, and I respected his privacy."

"Then I guess you didn't care I was pregnant with his child."

"Neela stop it." Abby interferes "Ray asked both of us not to tell you anything, not even his reasons to leave."

"And you knew too?!" I yell at Abby. She takes my hand but I step back, away from them. "You have any idea how much I've suffered because of him? You have any idea how hard it is to think he might never come back?" I cry

"Neela, I know you feel hurt and betrayed. Believe me this was not my intention," Luka says calmly "But if you just give Ray the change to explain himself..."

"Oh I will...but I don't want to hear anything from you." I say harshly, sadness taking over me. "Either of you."

I know I have no reason to be mad at Luka or Abby, but this is too much for me to bear. I feel equally betrayed and hurt by people I thought were my friends, and now I have no one left to trust.

TBC! 


	6. Chapter 6

**uhhh chapter 6!!! with a little twist hehehe.Hope you like it!!**

**thanks to Erin for helping me with this.**

**Fran Barnett**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

The next morning, I try to be as punctual and normal as I could. Abby tried to talk to me the whole morning, but I was not ready to face her yet. She said she had something really important to tell me, but I didn't even bother to ask.

When I walk to the admit desk I understand what she wanted to say. Ray Barnett was standing a few feet away from me, a big smile on his faces as he talked to Morris, Eleanor and Sam. He never notices my presence so I run towards the bathroom.

I cry my eyes out for a couple of minutes until I hear someone walking in. I stay in silence for a couple of minutes until I hear Abby's voice.

"Neela..." she says softly

"I'm here." I whisper as I open the bathroom door where am now sitting in "He is back..."

"I know, I tried to tell you but you kept avoiding me"

"I'm sorry...I never meant…" Abby hugs me before I even finish my sentence.

"There's something else you should know, Neela." I look at her and I can see she is worried "He's not here alone."

"What do you mean he is not here alone" I ask her, confused

"I think you should see her..."

Her? Did she just say her?

Five minutes later I understand what she means by 'her'. I walk towards the admit desk where Ray was still talking to Morris. By the look on his face I could tell he was bored with all the questions. I take the chance to look at him closely. He hasn't change at all. He was the same Ray Barnett I fell in love with...and that's when I see her. A tall brunette holding Ray's hand. She is smiling happily. He barely even notices my presence, not until Eleanor forces him to look at me. I bit my lip making a small effort to stop the tears from coming.

He stares at me for a few seconds, his eyes lock with mine until he notices my five months pregnant belly.

"Hi..." he barely speaks, shocked at the view.

"Hello," I say, and I force a smile. He comes closer and gives me a tight hug.

"It's been a while, ah?" he ask still looking at my belly.

"Five months" I say and then look at the brunette next to him.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't introduce..." he pushes her closer to us. "Neela, meet Gabrielle...my wife."

**TBC!**

**I'm evil I know!!! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Once again than you so much for the reviews! and I'm sorry I'm being soooo cruel lol**

**Fran Barnett**

**ps:I've been smiling all day thanks to our roomies squee yay! I'm so happy!!**

**ps2: MY BETA ROCKS!!! **

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel my heart stop. Eleanor gasps in shock, Abby shakes her head and Morris looks at us in astonishment probably waiting for me to scream.

He got married?? He completely forgot about me, about what happened between us and got married to a woman I'm sure barely even knows his name?

Say something Neela. Don't let this affect you in any way...just hold on until you get home to fall apart and cry.

"Wow...that's...that's great Ray. Congratulations." I manage to hug him again.

"Thank you, I know it all happened kinda quick but…"

"I couldn't wait any longer to be with my Raymond" the girl says. I freeze when I hear her calling him ´my Raymond´.

"I can see you're in love," I say softly. Ray looks at me, and I can't quite describe it but I'm pretty sure is with confusion.

"Yeah, we are," Gabrielle says, smiling as she looks at Ray "Right, baby?"

I don't give him time to answer; I don't want to know how he feels about this woman, just so I don't feel so...betrayed.

"I'm sorry but I gotta go..." I fake a smile and wave at them. "It was really nice to met you Gabrielle and...Congratulations again." I try to be as indifferent as possible.

"Thank you..." I can barely hear her say because I'm walking away as fast as my legs can lead me.

Once I'm far from them I let the tears run down my face...how can he do this? How can he just forget about the whole thing? How can he hurt me like this? Well, he doesn't actually knows he is hurting me because all I could see was happiness in his eyes. Maybe she is the right woman for him after all. Perhaps she is making him happy in a way nobody can.

Not even me.

Abby finds me minutes later. She hugs me as I cry. After what it seems to be an eternity she speaks softly, "Are you okay?"

That's the million-dollar question. "I will be...eventually."

"I know this is hard on you, Neela, but you've gotta be strong."

"I know..." I cry again "I just can't believe he forgot about me, about us..."

"Maybe he didn't," she smiles sweetly

"How can he not? He got married! He left me and got married to another woman, Abby!" I know I'm losing my temper but I can't help it. I can't control my emotions when it comes to Ray. "How am I supposed to do this on my own?"

"You're not on your own." She gives me a warm smile. "You have me, and Eleanor and everyone here. Nobody is gonna let you be alone."

I sigh with relief. She is right. I'm not alone in this. I have friends and a wonderful roommate to take care of me and help with whatever I need...but I'm going to pretend I don't need him. I'm going to move on with my life with my baby without him.

That's a promise.

**TBC!**

**oops I did it again! lol**


	8. Chapter 8

**I forgot to say this before but I wanna dedicate this fic to my cousin.This fic is based on her life after the baby BUT she doesn't know about this fic...:)**

**Fran Barnett**

**ps: to know who Eleanor is you must read my other fic "Family Affair" **

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Eleanor's POV

I see my brother taking Gabrielle's hand as we walk down the street. His wife...his wife! I can't believe he got married and just forgot about Neela. They used to be so tight until Michael died and Neela moved out...I understood her reason. She told me about it. She told me about how confused she was about her and Ray, that there was a small chance she was falling for him. Two weeks after that confession Michael died in Iraq.

I guess she felt guilty for having thoughts about my brother while her husband was fighting, and then she just left. I remember Ray being sad the entire week. He could barely sleep at night and went to work like a zombie. Then one day he changed. He came home as a different man. He barely even talked about Neela, but when he did I could see hurt in his eyes... later that day, when I went to work, I found out she was seeing another man. A paramedic 'soon to be come a med student' called Tony Gates.

"Are you coming home with us?" Ray asks me. I think about it for a second.

"Uhmm actually I don't live in your apartment anymore" I confess. He seems confused.

"What do you mean?"

"When you left I moved in with Neela." This was true. When Ray left, I stayed a few nights with Neela. She told me about her pregnancy, and I just couldn't leave her alone knowing that the little girl growing inside of her was my future niece.

"Oh...you're living with her now?" he asks, still confused.

"Yep, and it's great!" I say smiling at them. "She is funnier than I thought."

Ray smiles, maybe remembering those days when they did have fun. How do I know? Maybe because that's the only thing Neela talks about before breaking unto tears and cursing him for leaving her.

"Yeah, she is funny," he says then looks at the woman standing next to him. "But Gaby is funnier." He smiles.

I think I might throw up anytime soon.

"Oh baby!" she throws her arms around Ray's neck, and I turn my face to the side, avoiding all the images I might have later from watching the two of them.

"You know?" I interrupt them. "I think I should leave...you two want to be alone and I don't want to get in your way." Because I might get sick to my stomach.

"Can I give you a ride home?"

Ohhh I know what you're planning brother! I think to myself. You wanna see Neela, don't you? HELL NO!

"No thank you. I'm gonna grab a cab." I smile kindly, hug my brother and my now sister-in-law before crossing to the other side of the street. "Have a nice night you two!"

I disappear into the night; sad to leave my brother with that woman and not drag him to Neela's to tell him the whole truth. Even if she is so determined not to tell him, he at least needs to know the whole truth before he gets the wrong idea...but I can't interfere, at least not now.

**TBC!**


	9. Chapter 9

**ENJOY!!**

**thanks for reading.**

**Fran**

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I came to work the next day hoping I wouldn't see Ray again so soon. I was wrong. He came back to work on the last shift because we didn't have enough doctors. Every time he comes closer I step out of the way. I pretend I have a lot of patients to take care of when actually I have none. So I hide in the bathroom. It's my sanctuary for now.

Towards the end of our shift, Gabrielle shows up to pick Ray up. I ignore her presence but it's kind of hard when she is walking towards me.

"It's Neela, right?" she asks politely. I nod. "I was curious to know, how far along are you?"

"Oh I'm...five months." I smile awkwardly.

"That's so cute!" she seems thrilled by the fact I was pregnant. If she only knew. "Is it a boy or a girl?"

"It's a girl"

She smiles again. It's kind of scary if you ask me. Why does she smile all the time?

Ray, curious to know, walks towards us joining in the conversation. "What's this all about?"

We are talking about your baby. Care to join us? I think sullenly.

"I was just asking Neela about the baby." Gabrielle says grabbing Ray's hand. "And it's a girl."

"Oh congratulations" Ray, once again, hugs me. I feel weird, even uncomfortable.

"Thank you," I say, doing what I do best, fake a smile.

"Have you thought on a name yet?" he asks me.

I always imagine this was something we would do together, choosing the right name for our baby girl. Guess we can't have everything we want, right?

"No, actually I haven't," I say.

"You're gonna discuss it with Tony, aren't you?" he asks me. I feel my heart shrink...he thinks this is Tony's baby?

"Tony??" I can't control the anger emerging from my soul. I want to slap him. I swear I do. "You think Tony is my baby's father?"

He looks at me, confused and maybe afraid he said something wrong. "Neela I'm sorry...I thought…"

"You thought what?" I ask harshly "Oh poor Neela. She felt lonely one night and slept with her ex!" I notice how everyone stares at me but I don't care, I'm so pissed at Ray I can't even control what I'm saying.

"I'm sorry, Neela..." he tries to calm me down by touching my arm, but I step back. I can't stand to have him near me without feeling my heart ache.

"Just get your hand off me!" I hiss and turn away.

I walk away as quickly as I can. I know I had the chance to tell him how wrong he was but I couldn't. Instead, I ran away, hoping to get all this anger out of my system, and the only way to do it is by crying my eyes out. Every time I try to erase all the damage done, something happens and makes me hate the moment we were together...I guess Abby was right, I'm going to have to be strong now.

**TBC!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you so much for all those niiiiice reviews and I wanna give a especial thank you to my beta Erin. U ROCK!!!**

**hope you like this one!!**

**Fran**

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ray's POV

By the time I get to work the next morning, everyone knew about my incident with Neela, and to tell you the truth I'm not having a good time. How was I supposed to know she was not having the baby with Tony? I thought they were together when I left...maybe I was mistaken; maybe what happened between us was not a mistake like I thought. Maybe I shouldn't have run away like a coward. Perhaps if I had stayed we could have been together by now...

I should say I'm sorry and ask for her forgiveness but I know it wouldn't be enough. She moved on. I moved on. I mean, she's having a baby with another man for God's sake! How much could she really have loved me that now she's carrying someone else's child?

I sense everyone giving me the cold shoulder. Abby is talking to me in a harsh tone. Even Eleanor is acting weird.

"Ok, what's going on?" I ask my sister once I manage to catch her. It feels like she's been avoiding me.

"What do you mean?" she is completely ignoring me. I can feel it.

"Stop this game, Eleanor." I say. She lifts her gaze from the computer screen.

"Why is everybody acting so weird with me?"

"Why?" she laughs ironically "Are you seriously asking me this?"

"Yes, I wanna know." I still don't understand shit.

She sighs heavily "I think you should mind what you say next time, Raymond."

Raymond?? Nobody calls me Raymond...only her, when she is mad. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Neela."

"Well, how was I supposed to know about Tony?"

"That's the thing!" she yells sharply at me. "You don't know anything, do you?"

I still don't understand what she is talking about.

"Do you think this is easy for her?" she asks me,

"I'm pretty sure it's not..." I say.

"Then stop asking those stupid questions and do something about it!" she yells again. I don't understand, she keeps talking like this was my problem too.

"Do something about what?" I ask, confused. She walks a few steps away from me but turns around before leaving.

"I love you Ray, but you are being a moron."

Why am I being a moron? What is she talking about? Did I miss something when I left...? I don't know why I'm being a moron for asking about Neela's baby. Maybe she knows something I don't know.

I decide to wait for a while before asking Eleanor more questions. I'm still completely confused by her words, and I can't seem to understand why everybody seem so pissed at me. I stop her before she even dares to leave the hospital without talking to me.

"Ok, I can't understand why you said what you said," I say to her. "But I know you're hiding something from me."

"Something about what?" she ask innocently.

"I don't know! What do I have to do with Neela now?"

"That's something you should ask her yourself." She starts to walk away from me but I stop her.

"Please, Eleanor I need to know..." I beg her "Did something happened when I left?"

She hesitates. I can see her.

"Listen, Ray...I'm sorry but I promised her not to tell you."

"Not to tell me what?" She doesn't answer, and suddenly I'm feeling desperate to know whatever it is that's happening. "Not to tell me what, Eleanor!"

"Not to tell you about the baby..." she suddenly says. I stare at her completely confused.

"What about the baby?"

"God, Ray! How thick can you be? You don't get it, do you?" she seems exasperated, like she was dying to say something. "The baby is not Tony's...the baby…it's yours!"

It's WHAT??!

**TBC!**

**aaaaannnnddddd???? **


	11. Chapter 11

**I know it's late,almost 1 o'clock in the morning and I should be sleeping by now but I can't do it unless I post this chapter.Once again I wanna give a big hug to my beta,Erin for helping me out with this...UR DA BEST!**

**I'm going to bed now...ENJOY!**

**Fran**

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I shake my head constantly. I can't even seem to process this right "No, no it can't be."

Eleanor takes my hand, forcing me to look at her. "Why would I be lying about something like this?"

"But that's impossible..." I whisper.

"Is it?"

She makes me think about it, analyze everything that happened between us before I left.

"Oh my God..." I take my head in my hands, and start shaking. "I left...I walked away." I look at my sister, and she looks sad. I can feel the tears forming in my eyes.

"She found out about the baby when you were already gone..." she says sadly.

"Why didn't she tell me?"

"Because we didn't know where you were, Ray," she explains. "You called me so many times but never said a word."

"But what about now? I'm here now, right?"

She waves a hand in front of my face. "Hello! What about Gabrielle?"

Gabrielle...I completely forgot about her. I have a wife now...what the hell was I thinking?

"I can ask her for divorce...or an annulment."

She shakes her head "You have got to talk to Neela." It's not an order. It's a statement "Talk to her. Now."

"And tell her what?" I ask, trying to get a good advice from her.

"I don't know Ray...just say whatever you want. I already did my part." She walks away, leaving me confused and frustrated.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I made my way towards Neela's apartment, thinking of what I could say to make everything less complicated. I couldn't think of anything...anything at all to make her forgive me for walking away with no more reason or justification than being afraid of falling for her and getting hurt in the process. That for me, and under the circumstances, was no reasonable explanation at all.

I knock on her door softly, waiting for her answer. She opens the door slowly, maybe expecting someone else.

"Ray...what are you doing here?" she waits for my answer. I can't manage to make my mouth speak "Ray..."

"Can I come in?" I finally say. She stares at me for a moment before she moves aside, and I walk in.

"Is there something you need, Ray?" she asks. I turn my face to look at her.

"I know..." I manage to say. She is confused so I continue. "I know about the baby...I know she's mine."

Neela's jaw drops slightly. I don't know if it's from shock or anger.

"How did you...?"

"It doesn't matter how, Neela...I just want to know why didn't you tell me."

"Is that what you came for?" Now she is angry. "To demand an explanation?"

"I'm just asking you for the truth..."

"Why?" she asks, tears forming in her eyes. "Why do you suddenly want to know, Ray? Would that make a difference?"

"Of course it would!"

"How?? It certainly wouldn't make your marriage disappear..."

"I can talk to her..." I say walking closer to her. "I can explain things to her..."

"Explain what, Ray??" she cries, her tears coming harder. Probably because she mad. "You walked away from me, Ray...you slept with me and then left with no explanation! And now you come back with a wife!"

"Neela, listen to me," I take her hand between mine. "We can make this work. I promise we can."

"Why should I trust you? Why should I believe anything you say when you left me?" she whispers. "You left me when I needed you, Ray...and now everything has changed."

I walk a few steps away from her. "What do you mean?"

"I can't do this to Gabrielle...I don't know her but I can see she loves you."

"But I don't love her!" I shake my head, denying everything she says. "I love you, Neela...I love you."

She sighs heavily. "I think you should leave..." she says, looking at the door.

"Neela..."

"No, Ray..." she stops me. "Please just leave...please?" she begs. I walk towards the door when I notice her crying again.

"I'm sorry," I whisper before walking away.

This can't be over...it can't be.

Right?

**TBC!**

**more drama!! I'm the DRAMA QUEEN!! sorry but I love some angst...**


	12. Chapter 12

**it's late again,I know!...can't help it! **

**here's the next chapter.**

**Enjoy!**

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ray's POV

I make my way home still thinking about this brand new information. I have no idea how am I supposed to explain this to Gabrielle, but I have to. She is my wife and deserves to know the truth.

I use the key I have in my pocket, praying for the house to be empty, but it isn't. Gabrielle is walking towards me with her arms wide open. She takes my breath away with her tight embrace.

"Hey, baby. I'm so glad you're home." She smiles at me, and my heart shrinks.

I look at the floor, feeling ashamed for doing this.

"Listen, Gaby, we have to talk." I take her hand and look straight to her bright blue eyes. I can see worry creep into her face.

"Is there something wrong?"

Ohh if you only knew...

"Yeah...I'm..."

I found myself speechless for the first time in my life. How are you supposed to explain to someone you promised to spend your life with that you're having a baby with someone else? I just couldn't find the right words.

"You're scaring me, Ray. What is it?" she asks, her impatience makes me even more nervous than I was.

"This is not easy to say so I'm just...gonna say it"

"Ok, I'm listening."

She pushes me to our couch, sitting very close to me as she prepares to listen and I brace myself for the worst.

"Do you remember Neela?" Of course she does! What a stupid question...

"Of course I do, sweetie." She smiles again. "She was your roommate."

Yeah well, she was more than that...

"Yeah...well, she is…" Just say it Ray, say it. "She is having a baby..."

"Duh! Of course she is," she laughs and punches me softly on my arm.

I shake my head. "No, Gaby...what I'm trying to say is that she is having a baby…with me."

I suddenly feel her anger reflected in her eyes. She bounces to her feet. "Excuse me? She is having YOUR baby?"

"Yes...listen I'm sorry I didn't..."

She turns her back on me and begins pacing around the apartment. "How could you do this to me Ray?"

"But I didn't know!" I say walking towards her. "I found out a few hours ago, I swear..."

"But you lied to me." I can see the hurt in her eyes, and it breaks my heart. She is a nice woman and doesn't deserve this. "You proposed to me even though you were still in love with her."

I can't deny that. She is right...I met her when I thought nobody could ever love me, or I couldn't love anyone for that matter. We dated for a few months and then I proposed. Maybe I was looking for a way to forget the life I used to have...

"I'm so sorry..."

She shakes her head, and I stop talking for a minute. "So, what's gonna happen Now?"

I look at my hands as if the answer to all my questions was in them. "I have no idea..."

"Well, I have one idea..." She takes her purse and walks slowly towards the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Away..." she says. "Do you really think I want to be with you after what you did to me?"

She doesn't wait for an answer and leaves. I can't say I blame her...I think I've caused her too much pain for her to love me. I can't even blame Neela for hating me either.

**TBC!**


	13. Chapter 13

**sorry it took so long!...here's a new chapter.**

**Enjoy**

**Fran Barnettlicious**

**ps: BIG HUGS TO MY BETA ERIN ALLEN!!**

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I thought working would make everything lot easier, but after crying myself to sleep last night, I don't think anything will. He came to my house, telling me how sorry he was for living me. For I minute, I thought about saying it was ok, that we could make it work and be happy with our baby. But I can't forget all the pain I went through these last few months and the last week, when he came back with a wife.

He made a new life. How was I supposed to say it was ok when he had a wife? Should I forgive him and let everything go away?

"Neela." I realize he is standing in front of me. I see the lack of sleep on his face in the bloodshot eyes and dark rings. "Can we talk?"

"Not now. I'm busy."

I walk away from him as fast as I can. I guess it's not fast enough because he is following me very closely, very nearly touching.

"Please, just let me say something..." he begs.

"I think you said everything last night."

I keep walking away with no set direction in mind, but Ray takes my hand to stop me.

"No I didn't..."he begs again. I decide to let him speak. Maybe give him a chance.

"Fine...talk."

He sighs heavily, looking tired. "I know I made a mistake but if you just let me make it up to you."

"You have a wife, Ray...you got married, made a brand new life." I feel tears running down my cheeks. "A new life without me."

"But I didn't! Because every time I looked at her I thought about you..."

"And that is supposed to make me feel better?" I ask incredulously.

He shakes his head and steps closer to me. "No. It's...I'm sorry."

"I don't want to hear that again...I don't want to hear how sorry you are because that won't make everything go away."

"Maybe it will..."

We turn our heads towards the woman speaking. Ray's jaw drops when he sees Gabrielle looking at us, suitcase in hand.

"Sorry I interrupted...I just wanted to give you this, Ray." she gives him a key, apparently from their apartment. "And this," she says, her voice breaking as she places a gold band in his palm. "Before I leave."

"Leave where?" he asks her. Now I feel I'm the one who's interrupting them.

"Back to LA...my sister is waiting for me." She stares at me for a minute, before she turns her head towards Ray.

"Oh..." he says in a small voice. He looks at her, seeming at a loss. "I don't really know what..."

She laughs bitterly, and I feel bad for her...don't know why, but I do. Maybe because I know how she's feeling right now.

"It's ok, Ray. I don't want to stand between you two." She looks at me once more, tears clearly forming in her blue eyes. "Because I know what it feels like to grow up without a father, and I don't want that to happen to your baby, Neela"

"Gabrielle..." I try to speak but my words stick in my throat. I can't seem to say anything right.

"I don't want you to feel bad for me either. I'll be fine."

"I'm sorry" Ray says quietly.

"Yeah, so am I," Gabrielle answers, looking away.

An awkward silence fills the room, none of us knows what else to say.

"Well. I'd better leave." Gabrielle says, wiping away her tears. "I don't want to miss my plane."

I don't know what pushes me to do what I do next, but I can't help it. I give her a hug. Maybe because I feel bad for breaking up her marriage with Ray. Or maybe because I just wanted to hug her. She kindly returns my embrace, and waves us a goodbye before disappearing through the doors.

**TBC!**

**told ya Gabrielle was not evil!...I just wanna make you suffer a little lol I'M THE DRAMA QUEEN!!! lol**


	14. Chapter 14

**oh yay me,I'm back from my forced vacations!! soooo here's chapter 14...once again,thanks to my lovely beta Erin Allen.BIG HUGS FOR YOU DARLING!**

**ENJOY!!**

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ray keeps following me everywhere I go. If I have a patient to take care of, he wants to help me. If I need a glass of water he is there with a bottle in less than a second. Perhaps this is his way to apologize...

"Do you need anything else?" Ray asks me.

I feel so tired, and I'm just looking forward to going home. If he asks me the same question once more I might slap him.

"Ray would you stop it!"

I look next to me, and Eleanor is practically screaming at Ray. He stares at her confused.

"We heard you asking the same question to Neela all day," she continues, and then she looks at me. "Listen, Neela. I know we talked about this for months and I know you're mad or hurt, but can you just stop this nonsense and forgive him? We're all kinda tired of hearing him say how sorry he is."

I look at Morris, Luka, Abby, Sam and Frank behind me and they all have a smile on their faces, which tells me they agree with her.

"You missed him," Eleanor speaks again. "You love him. He loves you...why wait if you can be happy now?"

"Just give me a chance," Ray begs. Eleanor nods in agreement.

"Yes, give him a chance."

I sigh heavily, and Ray walks closer to me. He gets down on his knees. Taking my hands in his, he looks directly into my eyes.

"You can hate me for the rest of your life, or be mad at me for as long as you want, but please don't deny me the chance to be a good dad." He sighs and continues. "Or to be a good husband, for you."

"What are you saying...?" I can't help but sound a little bit confused by his words.

"Neela, would you marry me?"

I small smile is forming on my lips and I feel my eyes watering again.

"Yes..." I barely whisper

"But he is already married!" Morris yells, and Abby sushes him.

I don't even care if Eleanor is yelling at him or what everyone else is doing. The only thing I care about is him. And the only thing I want to do is hug him and never let go.

**TBC!**

**I know what you're gonna say "buuuuuh that's too short!!" sorry,there's nothing else I could do!**


End file.
